Recently, since everything has changed, I’ve been wrestling with the notion of what is a friend. I often refer to people I know as my friend. But, using that term in reference to so many people has left me confused and often disappointed.

So, I decided to start with what my definition of a friend was, is and what I would like it to be. First a disclaimer that I get attached quickly to people and almost instantly assume that people are my friend and therefore would have my best interest at heart, which we all know is not the truth.

All that being said, my definition or casual use of the word friend is rather juvenile and immature and always leads to my disappointment and hurt. My definition includes so many assumptions and expectations. So today, I set my intentions to consciously change the way I look at people in my life and become very discerning who I refer to as my friend!

Today, I begin a new way of defining a friendship by first recognizing that not all friendships are created equal. Friendships are not a “one size fits all” kind of affair but rather come in different shapes and forms. A friend doesn’t have to cater to all your needs. It’s more natural to have friends for different areas of your life. That doesn’t make any one friend “less than,” but it feels much healthier than placing undue expectations on one person. Once I am able open my mind to what friendship can look like, I will be able to gain access to connections that would have otherwise gone under my radar.

Next, I recognize that what I have been missing in all my friendships is balance-the balance of giving and receiving. I often over give and frequently do not get in return. And as a result, it is a pattern that I often over give and am left feeling resentful and angry at myself for doing so. Balance seems to be one of the most important aspects for me in defining a friendship.

Finally, I want to let go of the people who I have outgrown and now just hang around trying to connect with the old me, who had no self esteem, no boundaries and an insatiable need to be loved. Now that I have grown and changed, I set my intentions, no matter how lonely it feels, to let go. I set my intention to clearly communicate my needs so my new friends can hear them and meet them. I set my intentions to begin anew with new rules for how I define a friend. I set my intentions to forgive when I can and to let go when I need to. Today, I remember that connections in whatever form add immeasurably to the quality of my life. So, today, I set my intention to open my heart and mind to experience more of them!